Bill looked at his watch.  It's time - he said to himself - a quarter to five.

 

-         All right, boys.  Good-bye! - He yelled, smiling,  at his assistants.

-         Are you leaving, Mr. President?

-         No.  You are leaving!

-         Well, don't we have another fifteen minutes to go?…

-         Do I have to say it again?!  Get lost.  It’s Friday.  Leave your time cards.  I will punch them out before leaving.  And if I am in a good mood, you may even score some overtime.

 

It hasn't been long, after the door shut, when Bill heard knocking.

-Punctual – he thought walking towards the door.  On his way he combed his gray hair and sprayed some breath freshner in his mouth.  He opened the door very slowly to avoid making noise.  He saw a blond woman, approximately in her 20’s.  Her light, straight blond hair fell below her shoulders. Her happy, somewhat childlike face with big blue eyes, milky complexion, small nose and very delicate lips covered with pearly lipstick, gave an impression of innocence to her upper body supported by nice legs which ended right where her short black skirt barely covered her hips.  White, short-sleeved shirt, with an unbuttoned collar gave this angelic creature a look of a schoolgirl who just got out of her class on a nice May afternoon.

-         Welcome to my kingdom, Julie – smiling Bill greeted her at the door. 

-         Joanna!- she corrected him.  Bill's smile got even wider – a clear attempt to cover up the mistake on his part.

-         Poetry… But, of course… Joanna - Bill whispered passionately.  Did you meet anyone on your way over here?

-         Nobody….  Except for Hillary who followed me all the way here. 

-         Hillary?  Of course!  My lovely Hillary….  She always watches over our family!  But why is she still here?  She should have left for New York a while ago.  She’s got an electoral debate to attend there. 

-         Do you think she may be jealous? 

 

-         Hillary!  Stop thinking about all this nonsense.  We have to leave now.  We should have been in the air a while ago.

-         I'm gonna hurt him! This son of a bitch brought over another young chick and he makes nothing of it!  He already forgot what he had gone through and started thinking with his dick again.  On top of that – it had to be today!  That's not an accident!  He’s entertaining another chick over here. Wherever I  go the old bitch is there.  And that is exactly why he could not come with me.  A classic mother-fucking gambit!

-         Hillary, just calm down!  At least try!  You have to think about yourself now.  Are you going to let all this preparation and work go to waste because of one stupid ass?  Oh, pardon me - a President.  His time is almost up.  Now, it is your turn – the time for you to become famous!

-         I’m gonna hit him!  I want to strike him on the face – and right in front of this young chick!

-         Come, on.  Relax.  Would you like a tranquilizer?

-         There is just one thing which can help me calm down right now.  I’m gonna hit him right on his lying face a few times and I will be right back.  I am a role model as far as tolerance, but I am going to rip this chick’s eyes out.  It’s going to teach her, and others like her, a lesson when they see it all on TV later !!

-         All right.  You will get him.  We will do it right after we come back to Washington. 

-         No, absolutely not.  Now or never!  I’m sure we can compensate for the lost time in the air.  

-         Haven’t you ever thought that this may be a provocation on his part?

-         A provocation?

-         Yes!  For example, just to piss you off right before the debate.  Additionally, whatever happens in your private lives, the media will get their hands and cameras on it right away.  There will always be someone on the inside to leak a story out to them for a symbolic buck!  Just so we have to spend time answering stupid questions of ecstatic media rather than move forward with our campaign.  The media loves to report on whatever may be happening in the vicinity of a handy bedroom in the White House – you know this!

-         Damn it!  He ridiculed me publicly first and now he wants to ruin my carrier as well!  It just won’t happen!!!

-         You know what?!  I have a splendid idea.  I’ve been thinking about it for a while now.  It’s gonna be much better than just a slap on the face.  Come on!  Let’s go.  I am gonna tell you all about it on the plane. 

-         You are not bluffing, are you?

-         No!  Believe me ,this is going to be much better than any physical violence or a tranquilizer.

 

-         Now I understand.  Mr. President chose the best time to show a young intern around the  President’s Office.

-         Joanna.... Oh, Miss Joanna, I apologize – Bill corrected himself.  You came to me and asked me to show you my office.  I found the best time for that. If I were a candidate for the next election, you may misinterpret my intentions.  You could think this was a political agitation, or a private debate, but unfortunately....  This is my last term and all I can do is give my time to young people.  Not just through some prearranged formal meeting, but personally.  This may, in a few years create another big political shot.

-         I remember this as if it happened today, - continued Bill.  I was sixteen, so I was almost your age, when I was chosen to represent Boys Nation of our High School at a meeting with President Kennedy at the White House.  I was standing in the first row of the delegation meeting the President in the Rose Garden.  I was also the first person whose hand JFK shook.  This very moment determined my life goal – I decided to become a President of the United States.  JFK didn’t last long after that.  After Dallas I was even more convinced that I have to continue with what this great man had started. 

-         And how about ... Monica’s carrier? – Joanna asked teasingly tilting her head to the side.

-         To be honest I would not call it a carrier – Bill responded with a sincere smile on his face.  He began noticing that he liked this chick and that this conversation was certainly proceeding in the right direction. 

-         Well, she did make a lot of money on it, which most certainly was not the case of...

-         I know, I know – Bill interrupted her – it’s like with the President’s salary.  You work 25 hours a day, you still make the same amount.  And anyone of these cheap journalists who feed on what is happening around the White House can blab away almost anything they please.  It’s safe.  You write about the White House and no one will sue you.  In the worst case scenario, the White House spokesman can declare dementia on any given topic.

-         Well, what is the benefit of being a President then?

-         No privileges, my dear, - just responsibilities.  You always have to remember that all the decisions you make have to be made in consideration of our national welfare.  By the way, Joanna.... I forgot one thing.  I want you to sign our Guest Register.

Bill went towards the President’s desk and opened  a white book sitting on top of it.  Joanna followed him and bent forward to look at it.  For a moment she looked exactly at the spot Bill pointed to with his index finger.  Then she started turning the pages.

-         What?  What is this? – she asked. 

-         For safety reasons and in consideration of what had happened in the past, - to avoid any misunderstandings – this entry contains a description of what you did from the time you entered until you left, signed by you with your own hand. 

-         But, I thought I have been here for no longer than five minutes.  This here describes what  will happen in the next couple of hours?

-         Well, Joanna...  This Register is for my own personal use, and I do have a copy of this entry for you.  The thing is that, as a president I can’t trust peoples’ words and then have to explain myself in front of Judges, Congress, Senate....  I don’t want to waste my time answering some idiotic questions of lawyers, senators, and congressmen.  Obviously I do recognize their Constitutional Right to ask all of their perverted, sleazy, and simplistic questions under one condition, though.  They should be directing these questions to their shrinks, tarot readers.  This here will have no consequences in the future.

-         And...

-         Well, I can’t see anything which would prevent you from signing the Register.  I am ready to do so myself.  There! – Bill grabbed an elegant pen and signed two copies of the document.  Then, he handed the pen to Joanna.  Joanna bit her lips.

-         Well, whatever!  They say curiosity is the first step to hell.

-         Sometimes to Heaven! – responded Bill after Joanna had signed the paper.

-         It’s nice in here – Joanna remarked. 

-         Sometimes, indeed.  Most of the time the air here is quite tense and not much changes from day to day.  Congress, Senate, Pentagon, CIA, FBI, Secret Service, Middle and Far East, Russia, Europe, China, Japan, Iraq, Kosovo, and so on.  But there is no reason why I should be talking about all this boring stuff... things you see on TV, hear about on the radio, and read about in newspapers.  You came here to see something which others will never have an opportunity to see in their boring lives.  I will try to show you around as quickly as I can.  There isn’t much time left till 5:00. 

-         What we have here is my President’s desk.  All major issues are decided here.  This is where I sign or veto all major Decrees.  This red phone on my desk is a direct line to the President of Russia.  This second red phone is my direct connection to Pentagon.  And the third red phone is... – Bill suspended his monologue in mid-sentence when he heard the clock striking 5:00PM.

-         Five o’clock on Friday afternoon.  Our official part of your visit is over now – said Bill.

-         What do you mean?  I don’t understand.  I thought that... – Joanna said with a grain of disappointment in her voice.

-         What is that you don’t understand, Joanna? – asked Bill, smiling. 

-         Is it the end of my visit?

-         I can sense you are very disappointed.

-         No, I just thought that... that...

-         The entire America has officially started the weekend.  Don’t I, the President, have the same rights as everybody else?  To be off work now?! – Bill took his jacket off and eased his tie.

-         But, of course, Mr. President – Joanna responded reassuringly.

-         Mr. President – repeated Bill with a mischievous smile on his face and a shrug of his shoulders.  My dear Joanna, my name is William, and you can simply call me Bill.

-         But..., how come?

-         Do you mind?

-         Well, I ... – she hesitated, just that...

-         It is the weekend, already.  I want to have a private life, too.  I cannot be a public person 25 hours a day..., I have been quite strict on observing this principle for some time now.  With some small exceptions, of course.  Sometimes you have to send our Air Force pilots here and there.  Or you have to shift some Naval Station from one ocean to another.  But all these are exceptions.  In any event, they don’t happen more than once a month.  And I really feel like a President when our Boys manage to smash some suspicious dump... But what am I talking about now?  I haven’t even thought that there may be a completely different reason why you don’t want me to call you by your first name, is there?

-         Oh, no.  Absolutely not.  I just feel overwhelmed with this offer.

-         I know, Bill said.  Youth.  You have your own ways to break the ice.  I hope I haven’t forgotten.  Shall we go to my private quarters? – Bill held Joanna by her waist and kept pushing her forward slightly.  I don’t want any independent Counsel showing up at my door with nonsensical questions, later on.  When this happens tens of millions of tax payers’ money is spent just because I spilled some champagne over the President’s desk.

-         Kenneth?

-         No.  It’s French.  The best there is.

 

The engines of the plane created a monotonous hum.  Hillary tried looking out of the window in order to avoid thinking about the growing excitement she felt.  But on many occasions she caught herself thinking that today’s events were of no significance to her.  She wanted to take a nap, but she couldn’t fall asleep.  And the strangest thing was that she forgot about why she was taking this trip altogether – the debate.  She was preoccupied with what she just had heard – truly a crazy plot! Tactically speaking, at least.  Success would involve doing something illegal or, at least, unethical.  But as far as what can be done!  Yes, similar things happen daily from the East to the West Coast, Hillary thought analyzing operational details.  And people get away with such things in this country because they take advantage of legal loopholes which exist in the Laws of this country. 

-         And what about the Secret Service?  They can ruin everything.  They are always within reach.

-         That’s true.  They may be a problem.  But just because they are always so close, they can be easily neutralized.  As far as all other services....  Except for a few pions, the majority of the people are going to cover up their asses and try to catch new wind in their sails.  We will try to play it all out the right way.

-         Will we?  What do you mean by “we”?  What would your role be in all this?

-         Number Two.

-         I wanted to offer this to you but I wasn’t sure whether this was what you expected.

-         I need some rest, a steady check, and this would be the right position for me. 

-         I thought you were looking for something more challenging!

-         My dear.  A more challenging position involves a lot of diplomatic work.  You have to hold on to your job with both hands and you have to weight each movement of your buttocks to make sure you don’t get blisters from sitting too long in the same position.

-         So, when do you think...?

-         We have to consider all appointments and other circumstances.  I have to have his schedule.

-         There is no problem with an official one.  The unofficial is practically nonexistent.  Do you think that a situation like today, with this young chick, would make for a good pretext to start.

-         Negative.  We don’t need any witnesses at this juncture.  Can I ask you for a favor now?

-         Go ahead.

-         We are on our way to the debate.  If you don’t want to think about it – don’t.  But try to relax.  And stop thinking about what we just discussed.

-         Why should I?  Under the circumstances this debate seems to be nothing else but a cheap, insignificant show!

-         I think we are grooving today.  This is a historic moment, and not just in my life!  How is the banquet?

-         One hundred percent ready.  We have more guests than we sent invitations.  We had some issues to resolve, but... you don’t have to worry.  You  have more than you need.  All business minded people support only one sure favorite.  You, Rick!  A new episode, Ricky, the Winner.  You already have a Senator’s nomination in your pocket.  No doubt about it.  You are going to play your role the way we discussed and we are ready to open a bottle of champagne.

-         And what about the media?

-         Well, of course you are their favorite.  But there are many malicious comments that are being circulated.  They say we were the ones who decided to add a third candidate.  Let us hope that you will keep your hair on your head.  Women are not going to be easy about it.  They will pull one another’s hair out, because women generally don’t compromise that easily.  Some laugh saying that this may be Bill’s work.  He may have done it so his chances to survive after his term is over go up from one half to three quarters. 

-         Therefore no one has thought, thus far, that this may be quite an original way to get to Hollywood?

-         A girl who has never read a single book in her life wrote one herself.  When she started marketing it Bill, in order to turn public attention elsewhere, started a war in the Balkans.  Potential book buyers, puritan citizens had no time to think of someone else now when they had to think of themselves.  This lack of interest the girl is now trying to compensate for.  She won’t have another opportunity. 

-         Ha,ha,ha.  What time are we leaving?

 

-         It’s really cozy in here. – Joanna said with admiration.

-         We will see about this, I hope – Bill muttered to himself while opening a bottle of champagne. 

-         Why didn’t it shoot?

-         Champagne is like a woman.  You have to be very delicate with it at first – Bill explained pouring champagne into the glasses.

-         Are you afraid that someone may hear us?

-         That’s true.  I do not want to share what was planned for two people with anyone else.  You can’t even imagine how many losers there are around here.  They will smell liquor through the walls. 

-         Did you drink champagne with Monica?

-         Of course not.  She had a different taste.

-         Cuban cigars?

-         By the way – do you know the difference between a woman’s and an alien’s gratitude?

-         I don’t.

-         Good answer.  The difference is that aliens have been spotted already, and even described.

-         Bill, aren’t you patronizing women a little.

-         I wasn’t talking about women.  And I certainly do not think that all women are the same.  There are women who are good looking.  There are those who are even better looking!

-         Is that the only thing you seek in a woman – how pretty she is?

-         You know....  Ever since they started awarding Nobel Prizes, no one has ever received one for discovering wisdom in ... – Bill stopped there.

-         Go ahead, finish! – Joanna insisted. 

-         They can also be sensual.  Sometimes their lack of  good looks can be compensated for by other things. 

-         Like through make up?

-         You remind me of Madeline.  I hate when she hangs out in the office here in the morning when I have my coffee.  Sometimes I have a feeling that this wall paper she’s got on her face, these pounds of powder, are going to fall off and land right in my coffee....  No, I am not talking about makeup.  Body language!  The way you move your body, the way you speak, the way you take care of yourself....

-         Do you mean Paula?

-         No, absolutely not.  It was because I felt sorry for her.  She should be grateful. 

-         For what?

-         For my good heart.  I wanted to explain it to her using butterflies as an example.  She didn’t get it.  If it were not for me, she would not know how children are born until this day.  She would have stayed convinced that this body part can only be used to pee. 

-         Wow, you are a hard man, right there, every inch of it.

-         Our conversation is becoming so hot that our champagne is going to boil soon.

-         To you, Joanna!

-         To us!

-         To us, then – Bill drank the content of his glass right away and pulled Joanna towards himself.  She did not resist.  He hugged her from behind by pulling her closer to himself with his two hands over the waist of her skirt.  He found her lips close to his lips.  She slipped away from him for a moment.

-         I spilled champagne.

-         We are going to dry it right away. 

-         What the... are you on Viagra.  In cases of people your age it is usually just a collar that stands up....

-         I think Hilary may have put it in my coffee again.  She still keeps on dreaming.  You are wonderful – Bill sank himself into her lips again at the same time trying to pull the zipper of her skirt down.

-         What are you doing? – she stopped responding to his kisses, more so to keep up the appearance than because of fear.

-         We have to dry your skirt.  It is soaked in champagne.

-         It is my shirt, not my skirt, which is wet.

 

-         Very well!.  Very well.  It looks exactly the way I imagined it would.  Delicate, well toned makeup and the hair pinned in the back.  Well defined profile.  Monica!  You are a black horse, but you look like a Snow White.  When you speak, try to keep your eyes on your adversary.  If you do this, cameras are going to catch your profile.  Delicate smile at all times.  Under no circumstances you can laugh out loud.  You are to act like a poor young woman who has been taken advantage of.  However, in spite of your misfortune, you found a recipe to give happiness to your voters. 

-         I think Hilary will try to knock me out in the first few minutes, and then she is going to get on Ricky’s case.

-         Of course.  You mustn’t forget though that you will have all the young people with you.  They have a lot on their consciousness and they revolt against life as we know it.  The older lady may only count on the support of women her age with similar experiences.

-         I have this anxiety though.

-         You are under our constant supervision.  We will lead you step by step.  Try not to touch your ear-clips so no one suspects you have earphones.  If there is a reception problem first try to adjust frequency – left top button of your watch.  If this doesn’t work, push the lower button.  It activates an emergency headphone in your right clip.  This one works on a different frequency altogether.  If this still doesn’t work, you have your cell phone.

-         Aren’t my opponents going to use the same system?

 

-         Straight out of school? – said Sergeant Steve Grant to strike a conversation.

-         Yes, Sir!

-         How much longer do you intend to live?

-         What!? – Tom, recent graduate of an expedited Police Academy Training, opened his mouth amazed by what he has just heard. 

-         Have they taught you anything in that school?  Didn’t they teach you that police officers are divided into those who still walk on the face of the Earth, and those who are already buried underneath it.

-         No....

-         So before you get into this job ask yourself how much longer you want to live.  Well then – how long?

-         I think a little longer, Sergeant.

-         This is a good answer.  We are on the same squad so you can call me Steve.  I have been a cop for ten years now and I am still alive.  If we get along, you will learn how to be a good Police Officer.  And promotions – they all come a little later on anyway.

-         That’s right, Sergeant! – that is Steve.

-         So everything is OK.  We now begin our routine patrol.  I have principles and I start from a different street every day.  Today, well... it looks like Chinese.  Do you like Chinese food?

-         Will do.

 

-         Bill breathed heavily while resting naked right next to equally poorly dressed Joanna on a big, wide sofa.

-         You are a devil.  Where do you get all this energy from? – Joanna whispered breathing fast, with her eyes closed.

-         Bill looked closely at her; some lipstick missing, her delicate makeup messed up a little, but the fact that she was blushing made her look even prettier and more desirable.  And her delicate white body was as if it were made for perfect love making.  The body which I had found so fantastically intoned with my own rhythm.  This optimal amplification of love climax and fulfillment of both lovers’ needs and desires.  All this during the very first encounter.

-         A cigar? – Bill got up from the sofa and started walking towards a small desk where the humidor was kept.

-         Oh, Bill.  Don’t be so pushy.  Give me a moment of rest.  We are going to have enough time to repeat it anyway.  I need a few seconds to calm myself down.  You were like a God. 

-         I wanted to light up a cigar.

-         As far as I am concerned, I am not interested in anything which would involve a burning cigar.

-         My dear, I think you are too sensitive.  This may be the result of you having read too many of those cheap romances.

-         I read something here and there.

-         You know what leaks into these magazines.  Just crap.

-         But how come that you, as a President, lets this happen?  You did not attack, not even once. 

-         My dear, you can only converse with someone you consider your equal.  Fighting these gossip magazines would only be lowering myself to their level, - the swamp.  We had an opportunity to get back at Kenneth.  But higher considerations were the reason why we did not leak any information concerning his person to the media.

-         You had something on him and you did not use it?

-         Yes.

-         Why don’t you tell me.

-         Why not.  There is nobody here but us.  We are safe.  I do not have to fear you.  You signed the Register.  And nobody is listening anyway. 

-         Go on, tell me – Joanna stretched her body, lied down and closed her eyes.  I am listening.

-         The history between Kenneth and myself goes back a long way.  For a very long time I didn’t even realize that when I was young I picked up a secretary.  As luck has it, he had started a serious relationship with her prior to the time I ran into her the first time.  However, after an involved but a rather short relationship with me, she told Kenneth straight out that she would rather use a vibrator from that point on than date him.  This way she would not loose out on her opportunities.  She said that in the modern era of sexual and technical revolutions and widespread emancipation – Bill interrupted to take a drag on his cigar – you can always get a better vibrator.  The maintenance is just the cost of batteries.  And these always last for more than ten sessions anyway.  There is a problem when your fiancée cannot manage to successfully go through with lovemaking at least once.  Kenneth tried different treatments; no one knew the results until... – Bill suspended his voice in mid sentence and took another drag.

-         Not bad.  So instead he took interest in your bedroom affairs to get back at you for what had happened in the past.  Why couldn’t you, or your people, play some kind of a trick on him?

-         This was the right time.  We decided to use the same method.  While Kenneth was involved with the Monica’s case investigation, we wanted to send someone to him, - someone who would potentially attract him.  We found a smashing girl.  A beautifully developed child.  She looked like she may have been eighteen or twenty.  According to her Birth Certificate she just turned thirteen.  With her parents’ approval, the child liked the idea a great deal.  Susan, because this was her name, started working hard from the very beginning.  For three weeks, from early morning until late at night, she took lessons from the best actors.  Finally she was ready.  She could be introduced.  Kenneth caught the bait the first time.  After a few drinks he was so anxious to leave the party that we were even amazed at how fast things started developing to our satisfaction..  He took Susan to a bedroom upstairs straight from the dance floor.  I have to honestly give this young kid credit for the job well done.  Only five minutes and thirty seconds had gone by from the time she first met an independent Counsel until they landed in bed together.  But Kenneth did not treat her like a  whore.  He was mesmerized by her.  I thought he was falling in love with her.  They opened the door, got in, but before they even closed it behind themselves Kenneth was all done.  There was a big wet spot on his pants’ crotch.  Susan was quick in her response.  She said he was so masculine and so fast... even faster than her idols: Superman and Batman.  Kenneth was delighted to hear praise coming from Susan.  After a few minutes, upon having regained his posture somewhat, Kenneth started another mounting attempt just to prove himself.  But what he had accomplished before was all he could get out of himself that night.  Like kids who kissed each other in the bushes after school and postponed the rest till next time. 

 

In consideration of the independent Counsel’s chronic inability Susan prepared herself a little better for the next date.  A few blue pills.  Kenneth was punctual for their meeting and he looked good.  With her makeup and a beautiful dress Susan looked very pretty herself.  At first Kenneth lost his ability to speak.  Only after a short while, after she had suggested a cup of coffee for starters, he regained control of his body.  He sipped his coffee slowly.  He didn’t even suspect that Susan had put some powdered Viagra into it.

-         Wow!  And he never found out?

-         I don’t think so.  He only asked where did the good creamer come from.

-         And then it all started....

-         Nothing started then.  After his last failure, Kenneth did not want to risk it again.  He was waiting for a miracle which was not coming.  Instead he lost his contacts.  It took a good quarter of an hour before they found them on the carpet.  Susan tried to provoke him a little while they were on the floor, but, feeling that he was unable to proceed, he asked for another cup of coffee.

-         Coffee and a special additive?

-         Of course.  Another dose of this wonderful cure.  After another fifteen minutes or so his hair stood up.  Susan then decided the time had come to take care of the Counsel.  And she was good at it.  We were truly surprised by how many tricks she knew.  Where from, I wonder.  She was young.

-         And?

-         And nothing else.  She suggested a glass of champagne.  He agreed.  They drank the entire bottle.  All of a sudden he caught new winds in his sails.  She made a few more drinks, from a screwdriver to a Bloody Mary.  Kenneth was getting in the groove.  And when they were completely naked, and it looked like they were getting somewhere because his masculine organ started getting heavier, he stopped and took a pill.  He flushed it down with whatever was left of his bloody Mary. 

-         Heart medication?

-         No.  Another two blue pills!  Another two.  He sat down in the chair and looked at his watch, while glancing at the cause of his unhappiness. 

-         And it finally kicked in?

-         Yes, with a somewhat unexpected result, though.  All his veins came out and his eyes looked like two snails out of their shells.  After a few more minutes he got blood shut and his body stiffened.

-         Oh, I see...  So he is this type. 

-         I never said this, but I always thought he was a fool. This is the reason why I nominated him for an Independent Counsel’s position. 

-         And what happened then?

-         That child tried getting through to him, somehow.  He didn’t respond even though it looked like he was coherent enough to know what was happening around him.  She panicked.  Luckily for us, she did not call for an ambulance.  She called her mother to ask her for some advise, instead.  All night this poor child kept going back and forth to the corner gas station to get more ice to treat Kenneth.  She spent all her change going back and forth more than ten times.  She iced the Counsel and all her work started paying back finally.  Kenneth started regaining control over his body in the early morning hours.  He was able to get up with some help a few hours later.  He dressed himself up and, without a word, he left to go back home.

-         What a story!  Media would pay a lot of money for this.

 

-         Steve, I like this Chinese restaurant.  Delicious food.  I had Chinese before but it didn’t even come close to this – said Tom without interrupting his meal. 

-         It’s all routine.  You have to know where to look.  Besides the cook has known my taste for the last few years.  He knows I get easily upset when I am not pleased. 

-         Waiter!  Two more drinks, please.  Same as usual!-Steve said to a waiter who was just passing him by.

-         Steve, we just finished our third round.  Aren’t you afraid?  We are on duty.

-         Why would this matter?  Who is going to check on us?  Friends?  Do you know how many of them owe their lives to me, just because I missed.  We are drinking with dinner anyway, with restraint and within the norm.

-         Our check is gonna be quite high.  I don’t know if I have enough cash on me.  I may have to borrow some from you. 

-         Tom, look and learn.  What do we have displayed on our car?

-         We serve and protect.

-         That’s right.  We help and protect them, and they want to show their gratitude to us.  We offer them something in exchange for something else.  Everyone is happy, and true gentlemen never talk about money.

-         So..., is it all for free?

-         That’s right.  But I only come here once a month.  I go to a different place every day, according to my own schedule.

-         Thirteen, thirteen, come in, we have a job for you – a voice said over thinner CV.

-         Thirteen, thirteen here, said Steve.

 

-         Bill, aren’t you bluffing?

-         My dear Joanna.  In our world, so overrun by illusions, almost anything is either true or false.

-         Bill, the debate!

-         I would have forgotten – he reached for his remote to turn on the TV – it’s just beginning.

-         Who do you support?

-         Even since I met her, I have never seen Hilary that tense.

-         No wonder – face to face with Monica.

-         That’s not it.  There must be something else.  She got over Monica a long time ago. 

-         Monica looks good again.  Like on Barbara Walter’s Show.  New Orleans Virgin.

-         She is gonna go all the way.

 

-         This is the street.  It is just another case of domestic violence.  Let’s turn the lights off not to scare them – Steve suggested. 

-         Are you afraid we may scare them off?

-         That’s one thing.  Also, we have to make sure they don’t end too early.  If that’s the case we have to go back to patrolling the streets.  You never know what to expect out there.  Last week I had a young Officer with me – he was straight out of school, like you.  His first on call duty.  We got a distress call – a burglary – jewelry story.  There were twelve squad cars on the scene.  We came after everyone else had already shown up – according to my survival code.  I think that you may be safer when you don’t rush things.  The robbers were caught while still inside of the store because someone managed to activate a hidden emergency switch.  We were far in the back of the barricade.  And then this fool jumped up to the front and started firing his gun.  I think he wanted to become a hero right away.  The robbers hid behind the counter but they did not respond with fire.  They knew they lost and now it is only a plea bargain which could save them a few years in the State Penitentiary.  My guy used his entire load, reloaded his gun and kept on shooting.  Strangely enough the last bullet he shot hit the pole, turned, and hit him in the crotch.  After he had been transported to a hospital, the diagnosis was what he may have expected from the start – he lost his balls.  Sure he is going to be promoted, get more money, compensation.  Perhaps they will even pay for some kind of an artificial apparatus to replace the real thing.    If worse comes to worse they may pay for his wife’s vibrator.  But he will never be a father.  What is the lesson to be learnt from this story, Tom?

-         Had he stayed behind the front line, he would have saved his balls.

-         That’s it.  You are a fast learner.  OK.  We Are here.  That’s not the worst block yet.  Let’s go.

They got out of the car and approached the front door of an old Victorian House.  Steve tried the door bell a few times, but he got no answer.  He also tried turning the door knob, but it was locked.

-         I hope this is for real.  Let’s go through the back.

They found the back door ajar.  The light in the hallway was lit.  There was a bold, sixty years old man sitting on the stairs.  He was trying to light his cigarette.  His body was trembling and the cigarette was going up and down his mouth.  His hands, holding the lighter, were also shaking.  No wonder he could not light it.  Steve held the cigarette with one hand and lit it with the other.  The man inhaled deeply.

-         What’s going on over here? – asked Steve.

-         Nothing happened here – the man responded.

-         What do you mean nothing.  We got a call.  From your neighbors. They complained they heard you fighting with your wife.  What’s your name?

-         Martin.  Martin Pasqinelli.

-         Tom, Steve pulled Tom to the side.  Go inside, find this guy’s wife.  Check if she was hurt or abused.  And even if she was not hurt, see if she wants to sign a Complaint.  If she signs it, we take him in.  Then we can spend the rest of our shift in peace, at the station, writing a Report.  I will watch him.  Perhaps I will be able to get something out of him while you are gone.

Tom disappeared behind the apartment’s door.  Steve lit up a cigarette and remained quiet. 

-         Did she throw you out of the house – Steve asked with a tone of someone who could relate to Martin’s situation.

-         Who? Asked Martin in response lighting another cigarette from the still burning tip of the one he had just finished. 

-         Is it nice to beat on a lady?

-         Who?

-         A wife.

-         I didn’t even touch her – Martin responded. 

-         I know guys like you.  They are all innocent. 

-         Boss.  Oh Jesus! – Tom returned quickly.  It was quite clear he was excited. – She won’t sign anything.

-         Let’s go to the car for a sec.

-         Steve, this woman is ..., Jesus!

-         Tom, things are getting more complicated.  Go to the car and bring that bottle of liquor we got at the Chinese place earlier. Be quick.  Don’t forget to bring some plastic cups, too.

Tom returned right away.  Steve took a plastic cup from him and filled it half way.

-         Drink! – Steve passed a cup to Martin – that does a lot of good to your body when you are under stress.

 Martin drank the content of his cup with one swallow

-         Wow!- whistled Steve.  You are a professional, aren’t you?  Where did you learn to drink vodka like this? – Steve filled up Martin’s cup again.

-         With the Reds in Vietnam.

-         What do you mean – with the Reds?  Whose side were you on?

-         What do you mean whose side?  Ours, of course – Martin responded with a shrug and drank whatever was left in his cup.

-         I was a war prisoner for half a year – he continued.  I ended up escaping from there.  While in custody, though, I was interrogated by a Russian guy.  He liked to drink a great deal but liked Company too.  So to be able to survive, to keep him company, I had to learn how to drink a lot without getting dead drunk.  His Vietnamese friends would get drunk with just one glass, they have smaller bodies.  This Russian guy had principles.  You were supposed to drink to the last drop every time.  He said that only then he was able to tell his friends from his enemies.    I was fed up with this after about half a year.  One morning, when they were all drunk lying all over the floor of the barrack, I got into their helicopter and flew towards our troops.  I was welcomed like a hero.  I was hospitalized for the following six months, going through a substance abuse treatment.  This is where I met Rita – my wife.  She was beautiful.  Tall, skinny, long blond hair... like a Barbie doll.  Everyone was jealous.  They said I was born lucky.  The war was over shortly after that.  We came back to America because we decided to get married.  I said “yes” during the ceremony, - and I regretted having done this fifteen minutes later.  I regret having done this to this day.  I think this may very well be my punishment for the sins I committed in this... and perhaps even in my previous life. 

-         One more shot, shall we? – Steve handed another cup to Martin. 

-         I am nobody, murmured Martin and swallowed the content of his cup.

-         Man! – Steve yield out.  You are a man – have some dignity!

-         A man?!  What man?  In this day?  Whatever a woman says is worth more than any evidence a man can present on his own behalf.  Nonsense.  And all these men who still think they got something to say repeat that nonsense after women.  This way they can climb up in their carriers much faster.  This way politicians get support in the name of democracy....

-         It looks like you are pessimistic – Steve summed up Martin’s monologue while pouring another shot into Steve’s glass.  Drink it, that’s gonna put some optimism into you.

-         Tom – Steve pulled him to the side.  Go and check in the back of the house.  I thought I saw a broom stick and a drainer on the porch.  Bring some tape from the car, too.

-         What’s a drainer? – asked Tom.

- It looks like a pot but it has holes on the bottom.  You drain spaghetti with it.  And spaghetti is this long, thin pasta.  The longer the better. 

Tom came back right away.

-         I got it boss.  I also found a baseball bat. 

-         Fantastic – Steve said with appreciation.  He put the drainer on top of Martin’s head and fastened it with tape.  With this – he said - you are gonna be well protected.  Take this baseball bat.  For courage – have another shot – he forced totally confused Martin to have another drink.  – Now go and get her.  Show her who the boss is!

In spite of the amount of alcohol he drank, Martin was not eager to take any action.  He grabbed onto the banister so tightly that the two cops had to pull him away from it.  They pushed him towards the apartment door again.  Martin did not make a single sound, but resisted going in with all his strength.  He also tried to anchor himself when passing the door by grabbing onto its frame.  Finally the two cops managed to push him through the apartment door and closed it right after he stepped on the other side of the threshold. 

-         Wow....  He is strong.  He just does not know how to use this strength.  He should get going in a sec here, you will see.

-         Steve, I am not quite sure because, if you saw this woman... – he did not finish the sentence because the door opened and they heard a woman screaming inside.  The door handle moved suddenly. 

-         Not so fast my dear lady – Steve grabbed the handle and by not letting go of it, he kept the door locked.  It’s time to pay your dues.

You could hear sounds of fighting, mixed in with the woman’s screams. 

 

-         .... Grandma, now.  What do you know about young people? – young and irritated voice was coming from the TV set in front of them. 

-         This is Monica – Joanna said out loud!

-         Not bad! – answered exasperated Bill.

-         .... about youth, and not some sluts looking for adventures in marital bedrooms!

-         I’ve been with Hillary when she got like this before.  I know how it usually ends too. I see trouble – Bill pronounced.

-         It is not going to be nice – Joanna agreed.

-         ... I could say way more about you, and don’t you dare call me a grandma, you... – the rest of her response was silenced.

-         And you... you think you are better, you – again silence.

-         Censorship.  There is a 7 second delay in transmission.  They have enough time to filter out all of the swearing out.  What now!  A commercial!  When their debate got so heated!

-         A clearly distressed Bill grabbed the phone and started dialing.  Please connect me to the producer of this debate right away!  OK. I will hold....

-         This is the President Sir.  Could you please explain why you interrupted the debate transmission?  I don't give a shit about this.  And I don’t give a shit about 200 million citizens!  You’d better comply with the Freedom Information Act now.  My dirty laundry you were washing for over two years and there was no censorship on what was being released!  I’m still the President and I will be happy to notify FCC.  If they don’t close your dump, you can rest assured they will make your life miserable.  Even if you censor the audio out, keep the vision on.  All right!  There we go, I can see it.  See why did we have to discuss this in the first place?  OK.  I sure hope it’s never going to happen again... Good-bye.

-         I like the way you got on his case, Bill.  Look, the two ladies stepped down.  Too bad we can’t hear what they are saying.

 

 

-         It has only been two minutes!  Just trust me! – Steve tried to keep Tom in place.

Suddenly there was complete silence.  Steve turned his head with disbelief.  – We are going in! – Steve decided and pushed the door open. 

Jesus!  He killed her!  Look what he did to her!  I have not seen anything close to it in quite some time now- he said pointing to the body lying face down in a pool of blood. 

-         That’s him...

-         What did he do?  What does he have on his head?  And what is this silver tape? 

-         Who gave this guy a helmet?  Cut this tape with a knife.  Why didn’t you tell me what kind of a woman she was? 

-         I tried to, boss.  You didn’t listen.

-         This woman looks more like an elephant.  And she sure does have a big mouth. 

-         So what, now?  Are we taking her in? – asked Tom.

-         Get that baseball bat from her, first.  I was lucky to move when she attempted a swing at me.  She only got the tip of my ear.  Had she hit my head, I wouldn’t be able to talk to her now.  Look at my ear.  It’s all red.  I still hear buzzing.

-         You know, what, boss?  Anything but this.  I’ve had enough.  Perhaps we should call for a backup?

-         Tom!  You don’t get it, do you?  This case is different than all others.  Usually in all domestic violence calls, as I was taught, the standard is that it does not matter who beat up who.  Woman is always weaker, so she stays.  We are to check the guy in.  And then they take whatever time they need to have everything straightened out between them in Court, through their lawyers.  Depending on how rich they are, the whole thing may take longer or shorter.  But now, here we can’t check this guy in – he looks like a chopped liver.  Thank God I went in or it may have ended up worse than this.  He is still alive now.  Thanks to whom?  Thanks to me and thanks to the fact that he had a helmet on his head.

-         A drainer, rather.

-         Don’t be so particular.

-         Thirteen, thirteen! – come in.  Did you check out the place yet? – their CB came in with a fair dose of static.

-         Thirteen, thirteen here, Steve responded – we are on the scene.  The male is in his sixties, Vietnam War Veteran, most likely drunk.  According to the witnesses, as he was playing war, he fell down the stairs and beat himself up pretty bad.  Call an ambulance.

 

-         Rick!  I haven’t seen you in front of the camera for a while now.  The TV focuses of the two crazed women exclusively.  The interest of viewers in your person has decreased significantly.  Our viewers are having fun in spite of the fact that there is hardly any audio.  A lot of things they say have to be censored out.  Get you cell phone out.  We have to talk!

-         Hello, - this is Rick!  What do you think I should do?

-         You have to make yourself visible.

-         You mean you want me to go right into this fight? 

-         You are a gentleman so act like one.

-         And that means...?

-         You have to persuade these ladies to go back to their places.  Persuade them somehow.  Ask them to calm down.  Anything else?

-         Thanks, I will manage.

-         Take care!

 

-         Look Bill, Rick is back on.

-         I thought he was in some bar watching it all on TV while drinking beer. 

-         He joined into the conversation.

-         Why is he getting in there?

-         It looks like he is trying to pull them apart. 

-         Is he childish?  What is he thinking?...  Look, Hillary just smacked him on the head with her purse.  And now, look..., he got a punch from Monica, too!

-         Watch this, Bill!  Hillary got her cell out and she is calling someone.  So is Monica! 

-         I see trouble.

 

-         Thirteen, thirteen, are you still there? 

-         Thirteen, thirteen here.  An ambulance is taking the guy to ER. 

-         We have two calls from the same place.  Go to the Convention Center.  The debate is on.  The two debating ladies are fighting.  Steve – you have experience with these type of calls.  This may be delicate.  Call us if you need to.  Here is the address....

 

-         Bill stop playing this saxophone now, - asked Joanna. 

-         That’s just a prelude to the next chapter – answered Bill while putting the instrument down. 

-         What act?  What do you mean?  You don’t think we could repeat it, do you?

-         And why not?  By the way, I wanted you to feel as if you were in an old movie.  There is vision but no audio to go with it.  Before, some musician would play a piano.  We only have a saxophone.  We are going back to the Prehistoric Era. 

-         Look, two cops showed up.

 

-         All right, Tom!  Now it’s all straight.  Two chicks, oh... pardon me, two ladies are ready to sign a Complaint on this guy.  Physical assault and verbal abuse.  The two ladies gave the exact same testimony.  There is just one thing.  We are live on TV.  Comb you hair.  I can't get a hold of the Commander.  I need to find out what we need to do with this.  Did you talk to Rick?

-         He says nothing happened.  He just wanted to pull these two woman away from each other. 

-         That’s what they all say.  Go and talk to him.  Tell him what he can get for this.  I will try to call again.

-         Mr. Mayor.  We don’t know what to do.  You must be watching TV and you must know what I am referring to.

-         What did you tell them to do?

-         Nothing.  We received a distress call so we had to dispatch a car.

-         You are a Police Superintendent, the Policeman over here.  You should have known what to do. 

-         But I report to you.  And looking at what has been happening, there is just one type of possible outcome.  I am risking public exposure.

-         Is that what you think?

-         Of course!  Two women started fighting with each other.  But when a man got involved they jointly turned against him. 

-         What do you suggest we do now?

-         I have no idea.  Unless I get a direct order from you.  We may have to explain ourselves in front of the media, feminists, sufferers, lesbians, and other freedom and constitutional movements of that sort tomorrow. 

-         Don’t count on my decision.  That’s what I got you for.  What do you suggest?

-         Nothing!  We just wait and see.

-         We can wait and see.  If worse comes to worse, we can always blame the cops.  Also, in the worst case scenario, I will ask to be dismissed and I will say that my resignation is related to other peoples’ incompetence.  You, as a Mayor, will have to decide on this resignation.  Both you, as a Mayor, and the City are clean.

-         Not bad.  And these cops....  Who are they?

-         One is a fresh Police Academy graduate.  The other is experienced with these type of calls.  They have been trying to get through to us for the last fifteen minutes.  We haven’t responded yet.

-         OK.  That’s good.  Keep it up and maybe these women will simply get bored. 

-         Mr. Mayor....

-         What else?

-         If you happen to have a job for me....

 

-         Steve!?  Rick says he’s got immun... – whatever.

-         Immunity.  And what else?

-         And...that he doesn’t give a shit.  He’s not going to sign anything!

-         See what I got here? – Steve showed him two sheets of paper he had in his left hand.  They were signed in blank.  As a matter of routine, we can fill in the rest.  I don’t like one thing, though.  I’ve been trying to get through to the Commander – over the radio and the phone.  I got no answer.  I think they are playing with us.

-         What are we doing, then?

-         We are wasting our time.  TV has us on non-stop.  Tomorrow you will be able to buy a tape of all this for just $50.00 a copy.  We still have four hours to go to the end of our shift.  We cannot pretend by delaying at this point.  We have two complaints on our hands and... in accordance with our procedures.... You know.  It doesn’t really matter what we do.  They are going to blame us for everything anyway.  And I’ve always been so careful.  They got me into this mess after so many years of peaceful service, damn it!  You got a quarter?

-         I just have a nickel.

-         Give it to me.  Throw it.  If heads are up, we take him in.  If you get tails, we go home. 

-         Throw it.  Tails.  We go home.

-         Mhm... We are going to pick up Rick on the way...  The ladies signed. This is the procedure.  We check him in.  Let’s go.

They both approached Rick who was standing to the side.

-         Rick!? – Said Steve.  What is it you got in your back pocket?

-         Nothing – said Rick in response.  He reached into his back nonetheless and suddenly he felt a handcuff on his right wrist.  The other handcuff Steve locked on his left wrist.

-         Gentlemen!  Please smile.  We are on TV.  Rick! – you are coming with us – ended Steve.

 

-         Rudolf!?

-         Is that you, Rick?  How are you doing?

-         What do you mean?  You are a Mayor and you don’t know that your people put me in jail?!

-         Where are you calling from?

-         From my cell phone

-         They let you keep the phone.  You can’t complain.

-         Rudolf, you got me into this with the Senator’s Nomination.  Now get me out of it!

-         From being a Nominee?

-         No, from jail!

-         Rick, you have to relax.  There isn’t much I can do right now.

-         What do you mean you can’t!  It is all in your hands, isn’t it?

-         I have a bunch of press people over here.  I’m sure there are twice as many by at the jail gate.  They are waiting to see when we make a mistake.

-         What mistake.

-         Rick, on Monday I will have to decide if you can be released on a bond.  If you have a clean record you may even get out on an eye bond....

-         But, Rudolph, it’s only Friday evening.  You don’t want me to stay here until Monday, do you?  What about the banquet.  You are the Mayor.  Your one word should do it.  I should be released right away.

-         Rick!  I’m so sorry....

-         Rudolf, my battery is running out!

-         Rick, take care.  I will talk to you on Monday.  You haven’t lost everything yet.  Your case will be heard before the Election.  I’m sure it will be dismissed!  I will go and take care of your banquet now.  I will do my best to keep our sponsors happy.

-         Rudolf!  I don’t even have a bed over here – just a metal bench!

-         Rick, take care... Rick?... Rick?    Rick?...

 

-You idiots... – and especially you, Steve! –  

Superintendent was really mad.

-         Yes, Sir.  But what is the problem, Sir? – asked Steve.

-         The problem.  The problem is that you threw our Mayor’s Nominee for a Senator in jail, that’s what!  You have to be really foolish....

-         We followed the procedure, Sir!

-         Get lost, now!  Go and find a different job since this one was too hard for you!  And besides the intervention of the Vietnam War Veteran Organizations.  Out of here!  Now!

A white intercom rang on the Superintendent’s desk.

-         Sir!  White House holding on  the line. – announced Superintendent’s secretary.

-         OK. Put it through!  Superintendent pushed the line button and lifted the receiver.  Hello... yes, yes....  The pleasure is all mine....  But of course, Madam!  They acted in accordance with the procedure...  they are amongst my best Officers.  Yes?...  But we also have recruitment problems... but as you wish, Madam!  The First Lady’s wishes will be fulfilled.  Of course, I will send one right away.  I will see you later, Madam!

Superintendent hung up the receiver and played with a pencil for a short while.  Steve, Tom, between the three of us.  The official version is that you are being discharged from the Service over here.  But the White House requested your Services now.  Good luck!  My congratulations.  But from now on stay away from New York!

-         Yes, Sir! – they both responded simultaneously.

 

Donat Wadolowski-Ostoja

Copyright Donat Wadolowski- Ostoja

 

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